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Beside Myself

by John Rose

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Verses: Reached in my pocket, a handfull of pills I eat them like candy so I don't feel ill They're not perscription but don't be afraid It's temporary me feeling this way I work on the Sundays, I work through the night Don't even bother to put up a fight There's pain in the body, there's pain in the head I'd love to see Europe before I'm dead I tied me a rope in a noose around a tree But I was too heavy, it broke down on me I can't even kill myself even when I try The worst part about it is I never learned to cry They locked me inside their usual cage Don't think about it, it's three meals a day I'm partial to the smell of the wind in the fall The leaves that are dying are the brightest of all Chorus: Have you ever been without money for long They look down upon you to keep themselves strong Have you ever had to resort to unusual ways There's food on the table, forget about who paid
Just don't let your pride keep you alone in the cold, throw down all your pocket change and order just one more, you gotta keep on living, living like you got nowhere to go, ain't no shame in being left alone All you got there on the shelf, one old can of beans, eat them cold and ask again: "tell me now what it means," gotta keep on living, living like you got nowhere to go, ain't no shame in being left alone It gets harder everyday, working what I can, I am broken, bruised and hurt, I am just a man, gotta keep on living, living like you got nowhere to go, ain't no shame in being left alone I ain't got no money, and I ain't got no land, the good vote it don't matter, so can I get a helping hand? I can't keep on on living, living like I got nowhere to go, ain't no shame but I'm at the end of the rope I ain't got the courage to pull the trigger down, so when I've got ten dollars I'm gonna buy me another round, I can't keep on on living, living like I got nowhere to go, ain't no shame but I'm at the end of the rope
Dark Despair 02:35
Woman. You can't find no lover and you can't find no friend. I am just a man. I'll never know but I'll try to understand. Good Goddamn, don't give up your life and don't pretend. Just cry your eyes. That she wouldn't love you is all a disguise. You know you do. With your long, dark despair, don't let them tell you that it's not fair. With that look in your eye, it's gotta be enough just to make you try. Don't give it up. It's all you can do to feel her love. You know you do. So come on out and tell everybody. Tell everyone that you love somebody. Stand out, stand proud. Give it all you've got, scream your love aloud. Hope it set you free. Hope it make all your dreams as free as can be. You know you do.
Verses: Down in the park where the squirrels are fat, students are afluent with their khakis and hats. A pig rides a horse, of course he's a man, he bugs a soothsayer sifting through a garbage can. A Persian peddles hotdogs right down the street, and listens to the patter of the customers' feet. They chat about their future, their hopes and their dreams. The vendor sits and thinks about his engineering degree. A bi-racial couple kisses under a sign of half-naked men getting ready to ride. The market smells like gasoline, and hippies, and bread. A brother stops and asks me for a cigarette. Reggae's always playing down on Kengsinton Ave, someone's smoking herb out the back of a cab. The sun going down, it's quarter to six. Two hours awake and I'm looking for a fix. Coconut milk and fine curry spice, a beautiful woman talks about her life. The thing about the city is you can't see the stars, but what it lacks in light it makes up for in charms. Chorus: I'm single in the city, the concrete jungle never looked so pretty. I'm single in the city, bottle after bottle it's a pity.
Well I can't say enough, cause I'm all choked up. And I drink to escape, and I run from the pain, when all that I want is love. So, this is what I do: sit here and think all about you. Lament my heart, that wretched thing, that burns and it aches and it stings. And I'm in and out of love. Don't know just what I'm thinking of. It's true I'm confused, can't negotiate my blues, and the fact I feel connected to you And I've learned the most beautiful things, that I tend to forget about when I drink. I try to wash it away, but it burns so hot to stay. Oh, what a lovely kind of way. Well, at least I feel again. I'm breathing out, I'm breathing in. And I miss the warmth of a body next to mine, to be held and to hold all the time. But I can't complain. Hell, I'd do it all over again. They say it comes at a cost, but it's better loved and lost than left alone and have not.


released March 19, 2015

Beside Myself is JR’s first EP. It is an attempt to understand struggle and how people find the last vestiges of courage to continue living when faced with tragedy. It’s an exploration of sadness, loss, and destitution, but also hope, love, and new beginnings.

All songs written by John Rose. Drums and percussion by Ben Srokosz. Engineered and produced by Ben Srokosz at Spur of the Moment Studios in Chatham, ON, Canada. February 2015. Cover photo by Kelly Munro.

All songs © 2015-2019 John Rose (SOCAN)


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John Rose Kingston, Ontario

John is a singer, songwriter, and composer from Ontario, Canada.

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